Tales from the Undie Drawer

The controversial Agent Provocateur boutique on Madison Avenue in New York.

Forget tea leaves. If you want to know what really makes a woman tick, consider her choice of undergarment. Weren’t we all shocked to read about Michelle Obama and the whole Agent Provocateur “pantygate”? Did she really join the Queen of Qatar for a 50k+ spree on Madison Avenue at the pricey lingerie boutique? Who knew the first lady had it in her? To that end, an overview of what one’s unmentionables might be telling the world at large…
Classic Brief/Bloomers/Grandma Panties: You are a very comfort-orientated individual. You are your own trendsetter. You were the one who single handedly gave Birkenstocks a second fashionable kick at the can a while back. Your friends call your style bohemian. You think your classic bloomers show quirky individuality in a Bridget Jones kinda way. FYI…Colin Firth’s real wife doesn’t wear grandma panties. TV PERSONA: Liz Lemon of 30 Rock
Days of the Week Briefs: Control freak. Enough said. You know full well what day it is but just in case you are ever in a car accident and the ambulance EMS workers need a point of reference for their paperwork…You are a hands on mom, wife, sister and daughter. You organize neighborhood block parties regularly and bake cookies and lasagna for newcomers to your street. TV PERSONA: Claire Dunphy of Modern Family
Commando: You are so impressed with yourself that you regularly eat lunch alone because you find your own company spectacular! You believe you are open and honest. The rest of us wish you would be a little more mysterious. Free spirit? No. Free show? Um…yes. TV PERSONA: Brandi Glanville of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills…wait, is she a character or a real person?
Thong or Tanga: You are a real fashion bunny and you were raised with the mantra “suffer for beauty”. Pantie lines are the most heinous fashion crime to you. You get blow outs twice a week so your hair always looks fresh but not overdone. Admit it…when you were first married you would wait for your husband to fall asleep before washing your makeup off at night. You also wear shoes that make weekly chiropractic adjustments mandatory but again…refer to your childhood rearing as stated above. TV PERSONA: Joy Scroggs of Hot in Cleveland
G-String: You are what can only be described as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. On the outside you might appear to be the librarian, but you are dying to release that bobbypinned bun and shake out your mane. You read romance novels and believe they were actual events. You are not a girl’s girl. You buy perfume based on it’s claims to attract. You don’t go to the gym but prefer to exercise to dvds of The Pussycat Dolls Dance Workout at home. TV PERSONA: Any finalist on The Bachelor
Boy Shorts: In your teens you were a tomboy but now, you are a perfect combination of fitness freak and trendsetter. You know it takes a buff body to carry off this look and all those hours you clocked on the treadmill have paid off. You order triple cheese pasta on dates and finish it, while wearing leather leggings. TV PERSONA: Robin Sherbatsky of How I Met Your Mother

Clockwise from top left: Bloomers or Grandma Panties, Stella McCartney’s Knickers of the Week from www.net-a-porter.com, Hanky Panky Boy Shorts at www.hankypanky.com, Jenny Packham Swarovski crystal-embellished G-String from www.net-a-porter.com, Cosabella Thong at www.cosabella.com

 

 


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